Day 26 - Sober Curious?

 

Days seem so full and busy at the moment - which is good. Every now and again complete exhaustion catches up with me. Like yesterday afternoon when I lay down for a quick rest....and woke up 3 hours later. My sleep has improved so much in the last week, thank goodness! I really hope I am not be tempting fate here - my lifelong relationship with sleep has been one of unrequited love. I love it wholeheartedly but it likes to play hard to get - sigh! Since I am generally an insomniac anyway this is another excellent reason to remove alcohol - a known sleep disruptor -  from my life. I am loving the better quality and quantity of sleep I am getting at the moment and the bonus naps thrown in when life allows.

I still have that moment of waking every morning where my mind goes "What did I drink last night?!?" and then it dawns on me "No WINE!" and I just feel pure happines. A great way to start the day and a fantastic contrast to the old mornings which began with a giant serving of self-loathing and flagellation.

I had a stunning swim this morning (loving that more than the running at the moment as temperatures are creeping upwards here). The weather was beautiful and the water was so lovely. So proud I managed 2km - unfortunately my watch over-measured and is announcing to Strava that I did 2.5km and as a result beat all sorts of records (a complete lie). This was due to some serious fighting I engaged with with the pool cleaner (Kreepy Krauly in SA vernacular) - good grief, this is a 25m x 10m pool - how on earth did the damn thing and its cord manage to get in my way every single length. 

Otherwise I am wrapping up work trying to get it all done so I can spend time with my girls who are now on school holidays. Already got 90% of the christmas shopping done (thanks to younger daughter who is relentless and cannot bear the sight of a tree with no presents), got all our hair cut (except husband - perfectly capable of sorting his own out) AND did all the school stationery shopping for next year. Inordinately happy with myself for ticking these things of my to do list as they normally sit there, festering over the holidays. Not drinking definitely make me more organised which helps lessen my anxiety.

I am still immersing myself in 'Quit lit' -  have re-read lots of my favourite books and bought a few new ones. At the moment I am reading Sober Curious by Ruby Warrington. A lot of it resonates with me but I get extremely uneasy when she talks about still mindfully having a drink when she wants to. Trying to figure out why it bothers me so much (her choice, different strokes, etc. etc.) but I think it is just that, for me, that way complete madness lies. Most of us who start questioning our relationship with alcohol have already been down many pathways of attempted moderation before we arrive at a complete stopping point. Normally (and this is just supported by my own experience and many other stories I have heard - not data) that is because moderation of an addictive substance is near impossible and most moderation attempts are doomed to fail.

I am definitely more comfortable with the idea of complete removal of alcohol - that way you learn new habits, thinking patterns, resilience in the face of life's stresses and, with time, alcohol becomes (hopefully, hey?) something you longer need or want. It just seems like a waste of all that life-changing effort to then open the door to alcohol again. And a giant risk to - who wants to start over again  on Day One??? Not me, that's for sure! Anyway, will keep reading to the end and will then read the reviews - would love to know what others think of this.

Right, off to have another good night's sleep (that is if I haven't jinxed myself!)

Xx