Day 22 - the weekend

 

                                            View from hotel - many wine farms (oh the irony).

Over 3 weeks done and dusted - woohoo! Feel about a gazillion times better than I did back on Day 1, and that is a powerfully motivating factor. I had a few pangs this weekend but managed to ride them out.

Friday was the much anticipated school market night - with a howling wind to boot. Normally we would have all been hustled into the school hall but due to COVID we were forced to brace the elements. As usual, I had chosen poorly when it came to clothing and was wearing a long wrap-around skirt. It was no match for the wind and I think I managed to flash most of the PTA and a large part of the staff contingent. 

My younger daughter was in her element, setting up, selling up a storm and generally loving the whole thing. My older daughter....not so much - refused to help set up, was MIA for giant chunks of time and then went home early with a friend. It is not her fault - she is suffering from the well known malady that begins with 'teen' and ends with 'ager'. It is tiring for all concerned but I try and remember that it is most tiring - emotionally and physically- for her. So we try to not unnecessarily poke the bear and avoid, if possible, fighting over the smaller things. Boundaries remain, however, and she was furious that when profits were divvied up later that evening, she received only 1/3 and her sister 2/3. I did indeed say the words 'You need to learn that, in life, what you put in is what you get out". Gah - I have turned into my mother.

All the social interaction and managing daughters' emotions and (high) market expections was enough to completely drain me. I had a brief longing for the large glass (or really glasses) of wine I would normally have had once we returned home - you know, in order to 'recover' and 'decompress'. Instead I had a bath and one of the best cupcakes ever and went straight to sleep. Turns out this is a much better recovery and decompression method, huh! Even woke up early on Saturday to swim which was wonderful.

Then we were off to meet the Outlaws for a night away to celebrate my FIL's birthday. We were staying at a stunning hotel which was the scene of heavy drinking on the part of husband and I many years ago when we had a rare child-free weekend away. That was pretty much how we spent any time away from kids - consuming vast amounts of wine and generally landing up smoking as well (I am NOT a smoker, hate it with the power of a thousand suns when I am sober but somehow after the 3rd glass of wine it seemed an excellent idea). I remember returning from that weekend and other's like it feeling so depressed, ill and exhausted only to be met by exclaimations of "You MUST be SO well-rested after your break!!" from grandparents on our return. It was farcical having to pretend that we were. Also awful was the horribly guilt that followed me home - striking whevener I looked at sweet little innocent faces of my daughters.

I felt weird and out of sorts all afternoon at the hotel - not helped by having to walk past the bar and its display of 5000 winking bottles the many many times we left and came back to our toom But I pushed through and felt better and calmer as time went by.  We swam with the girls in the afternoon and then had non-alcoholic cocktails and a lovely dinner outside on the patio in the evening. It was so good to be fully present the whole weekend and the best part was waking up this morning feeling rested (not a feeling I have been familiar with for a very very long time). Even better was being able to look the delectable buffet breakfast in the eye without feeling violently nauseaus. Win win!

Back home and in bed with the cat (who has finally forgiven me for abandoning her), planning an early night and actually looking forward to the week ahead.