Day 15 - counting coins

I have always loved working with numbers and do so every day with my work (less grey areas in maths than in life). So for me counting days is satisfying and watching them add up is even better. I love round numbers, and numbers with a 5 in them (half way to the next round number). So day 15 sounds good to me! 

I use a day counting app which is great for little, sometimes timely, reminders of accumulating achievements (money saved - woohoo, physical and mental health improvements - even better!). I have also copied a friend's awesome idea of adding a coin to a jar for every sober day (hi Jo!). I love having a visual reference of the days adding up. At the moment I have one jar filled to over-flowing with small change that I have gathered over the years (husband is v.bad at leaving little piles everywhere for the coin fairy to collect). I look at this jar as filled with the messy, sad, over-drinking days and I look at the my new little jar as the holder of happy days.Every coin that moves from that sad pile to that happy pile gives me a boost. Even if it has been a horror of a day, that coin is now in the right jar and I am banking future happiness.

This is not my first attempt. I did 70 days at the end of 2017, 80 days at the end of 2018 and 5 and a half months in 2019 which ended in September. All ended on an impulse of listening to that self-destructive inner voice - the wine witch/wolf, if you will. All 3 times I acted so quickly before my conscious self could catch up to the mischief perpetuated by my unconscious mind. As a result I am super-focused on addictive voice recognition this time around. 

It has taken me this long to get going again. COVID also threw a giant spanner into the works for 2020 - the overriding thought in my mind went something like this:  "F- it, the world is screwed and we are all doomed so drinking to cope with the anxiety is the logical choice". This kept me stuck most of this year. The few things that got this proper, final (dammit, not doing this starting-over thing again) attempt of the ground were:

-  the realisation that each focused attempt I have made has been longer that the previous one so, even when I failed, I was making progress.

- when I look back at those sober times all I feel is envy - I wanted to be back there, feeling good about myself and moving forward.

- I knew this time I was going to throw everything I had at it, on top of everything I had learned at the previous rodeos. More tools, more books, more sober treats, reaching out and this blog!

Right off to sleep now, confident that tomorrow will not bring the crushing Monday Blues that used to follow an enthusiatc drinking weekend. 

Xx