Day 12 - changing course

Very scruffy running shoes to remind me I have run marathons, so this...this I can do!

So...after inhaling so many blogs by incredible women have written themselves sober...I am going to attempt to shakily follow in those fabulous footsteps. My hope is that daily writing will keep me accountable and serve as a poignant reminder of why I have embarked on this journey.

Day 1 was last Sunday, 15 November 2020. And I can easily say that I have never felt lower. Like my skin was peeled off, like I had committed an unmentionable crime, like I wanted to die. Day 2 was not much better. But...Day 12 feels brighter and I want to record that. Not coasting yet, not close but the light is starting to come in. 

I do, however, have to frequently drown out THAT voice that keep chirping "Is this forever? Really?? But what about..............?? " (insert any future drinking occasion you can think of). Or hounding,  "How silly to stop drinking at THIS time of year, why don't you wait until...............?" (insert future date where it will supposedly be easier - *spoiler alert* it will most definitely not! We have been there, and done that). But I am fighting back with clear and logical arguments, a solid plan, and lots and lots of immersing myself in amazing books, blogs and videos. And sober treats - love those! And now writing...

I feel firm in my resolve - enough of that nonsense; that shame, that self-hatred, that toxicity, those crippling hangovers, those wasted days! I am a runner (all the more ridiculous to be pouring goblets of wine down my throat) so I want to change course right here and now and charge into a better future, a clearer one a cleaner one. I want to start 2021 feeling proud of myself and like I have my feet comfortably moving on the right track. Not like I have to start the year scrabbling out of a deep hole of my own making... before I can even hit the road.   

I want to like who I see in the mirror again and feel proud, and not ashamed, of the example I am setting for my gorgeous girls.

I don't doubt it will be hard but I also don't doubt it will be worth it.

Xx